Wooden Clothes Hangers

The wooden hangers are out of control.

Wooden Clothes Hangers
Photo by Rich Smith / Unsplash

Dear (Insert Wooden Hanger Manufacturer Here)

When did wooden hangers for clothes become a thing? When I grew up we had the plain old steel or wire hangers that we would get from the dry cleaners when we picked up Dad's work uniform.

Somewhere in the last 30 years or so it's been determined that wire hangers are so yesterday and no longer in fashion and all the hangers in the closet must match and be wood.

I get it in a way. Your wired cousins aren't the most sturdy family member and they can get a little unhinged. Sometimes you will find them being used for other shady practices like hanging a pipe in the basement or even trying to get a better signal with the TV.

You, on the other hand are sturdy and law abiding and only want to do your job and do it well - kind of like a republican politician with too many meals in them - the only thing they want is to win another term.

Wooden hangers don't screw around. They hold up all kinds of clothing whether it be the ugly Christmas sweater that only gets pulled out for a few weeks of the year to the khaki's that get worn and washed daily. You're there to help and you do it well

Most times you will be found in your natural environment: the middle class home surrounded in beige carpet and one too many trips to Macy's. Sometimes you might have that weird cousin that made some poor life choices and ended up on the streets living in the hood and drinking Listerine, but nobody really talks about that much and it gets swept under the rug.

I've also noticed you have too many parties. On more than one occasion I have found your cousins at the front door in the box wanting to come join you in your valiant effort to keep all the clothes organized.

You tend to multiply when I am not looking and I am not sure how. I think it might be that pesky stitch fix box that keeps hanging around the closet and I think you two are a bad influence on each other.

I'm going to be keeping an eye on you to make sure you don't multiply again. I mean, really - how many ugly Christmas sweaters does one guy need?

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